The Closest Thing
Posted on September 12, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Responsibility, Goals, Work |
It’s 4:22 in the morning as I type this blog. At around 3:17, my eyes flew open with the thought of everything that is before me to do. I feel, for the first time in a while, over committed. There was a time, here recently, that my angst was at the stagnation I felt my life in. Not anymore. Not today. Today, I feel spent to my capacity, used to my limit. The twist? I feel over committed doing things that I absolutely love, but over committed nonetheless.
There’s this magazine. While I love writing, especially with the purpose of connecting, loving, and encouraging my sisters in faith, it is a commitment that often leaves me probing the recesses of my mind to the point of frustration, sifting through the events of my days searching for some nugget of blog fodder, and eeking out the time to do it. Today’s time is now 4:26.
There’s my job. I love my job. I love walking through the doors of my church and feeling a part of something bigger and more significant than me. I love the idea of assisting the “production” of church. I love being a means through which someone just might have an intimate encounter with God’s Spirit through the music He inspires in and through me, the worship leaders, the choir. I love my job . . . and haven’t worked this diligently in a long time. So much to organize, so many people to wrangle, so many w-9s . . .
There’s Dave LeMieux and House of Soul. I’ve never felt a part of anything so excellent or so creative musically before in my life. I’m learning, I’m contributing, and I’m always looking forward to the next time we sing, we write, we play, we worship. And, there always is a next time . . . so there are emails to write and send, calendars to manage, facilities to reserve, people to contact.
There’s me. Because I’m singing more, I’m singing more. And, because while I’m singing I’m often talking about what I’m singing, I’m talking more. And, because I can’t seem to just be able to talk about “it”, but have to write about it, I’m writing more. All things I love; singing engagements, speaking engagements, writing requests . . .
There are my friends, who frankly I haven’t seen in light of all of the above . . .
And, more importantly, there’s my family.
And, most importantly, there’s my personal relationship with God.
How does one do it?
I don’t have the answer. But I do want the wisdom and the discernment in my daily doings to know, exactly, what to put my hands to the plow in. I also want to experience God’s rest, even in the busyness. If I remember correctly, there was something about His yoke being easy, His burden being light. Not so much right now.
I can’t imagine that my present experience is much different from what so many of us face. I read Proverbs 31 and marvel in awe and shake my head in disbelief all at once at the “model” women. Did she have time to workout? What about her personal devotions? Did she have friends? I’m just saying . . .
I think, for now, I just need to do the thing closest to me and to take this “give us this day our daily bread” thing more seriously. Yeah . . . the thing closest to me, which is to clean the dishes that are sitting in the sink from last night’s dinner that my husband cooked because I was doing auditions for the choir and didn’t get home until . . . you get the picture.
Peace and Blessings,
Nicole Walters
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Nice. I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been up for about an hour, doing what I need to do at this crazy hour, but it’s the only time that I have. Here’s to us non-model women who manage to do it anyway. Cheers!