The Waiting Game

Posted on August 27, 2007
Filed Under Life, Trusting God, Faith, Courage |

Divine discontent

I’m sitting in front of the computer wondering what I will write. Is there any particular inspiration I’d like to share? Is there something I’m moving through that may benefit someone in our My Goodness family? I sit and wait, and nothing inspirational or uplifting comes easily. I’ve been in this mood for a few days. It feels like so much is happening; I have just over a week before I return to work from my 7-month maternity leave. Honestly, I’m disappointed about this. Also my husband’s car is giving him problems, and he’s been driving my car to and from work, which leaves me homebound all day, except for morning and afternoon walks with Zion. Not working for 7 months has put an expected financial strain on our family; this adds to my discontent. And I’ve been working and praying for new career opportunities that haven’t materialized just yet.

I’m watching myself become more and more frustrated as I pay attention to what’s not happening in my timing. It reminds me of giving birth to my son. Each time I had a contraction the Doula reminded me to breath deep into the pain, surrender into it, allowing it to take over me. She insisted breathing into the contractions would be less painful than bracing my self or resisting the pain. Recently experiencing so many unknowns or undesirable conditions, I feel uncomfortable. The tendency is to escape, do something to distract myself from this feeling. But, like labor, I’m doing my best to allow it, breathe into it, and trust God is at the center of it all.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.

In similar seasons I’ve unconsciously shopped, eaten, drank or used sex to numb the feelings. Only to have an unwanted credit card debt, extra body weight, or an unhealthy relationship to deal with.

Today I’m more conscious of my feelings, my behavior and my choices. There are occasions, seasons that require we do nothing but be and this is one of them. Be still. Be still and know I am God. When a season of stillness is upon us it may feel very much like the desire to push during labor, but the doctor insists that you wait, the baby isn’t in perfect position just yet. The sensation to push is strong and you believe you’re ready, but it’s not time. This is the season of discontent, but in the desire, the preparation, the hope, the vision, the excitement, the waiting, the stillness, we still have choices. We can either use our limited human resources to gain immediate gratification or we can be still and know the power of God. I honestly don’t believe we can make a wrong choice, we each choose according to our maturity and spiritual understanding. And God is so good; He’ll give us another opportunity in the next perfect season.

Peace and Blessings,

Monique Ruffin-James