Joyful Legacy
Posted on August 16, 2007
Filed Under Parenting, Work, Family |
Yesterday’s Oprah show topic asked the question “Can women have it all?” The show focused on a discussion of mothers some; stay at home and others working out of the home. Having recently had a child myself, I was interested in the topic and the views of each woman participating in the panel. As I watched, I noticed every woman seem to feel their approach to parenting was the ‘right’ approach, not just for them but for other women as well. The women who choose to work outside of their homes resented being judged for doing so. Many of them felt strongly that even though they are working, they are still present for their children and love them deeply. While the stay at home mothers believed being home with their children was a worthy and necessary sacrifice, and no one else could encourage a positive value system within their children better than they.
As a new mother I have thought long and hard about this and I believe it is a deeply personal choice. For me there is no cookie cutter answer that suits every mother, child and family. As I consider my own life as a woman with desires, gifts and dreams to fulfill. I am also a mother and a wife, and I bring my individuality to these roles as well. I don’t believe I would feel complete if I put myself aside to be a mother or a wife. What I desire for myself is to live a joyful and fulfilling life. And I want my children to witness me happy, alive, full of praise, and living my best life. I desire that my children would look at me and see a great example of someone who is doing what God created her to do. I believe joy is contagious and I want my children and any children I encounter to be infected by my joy for life, for living, for God and for service.
The moment I became a mother I realized the importance of a life built on excellence, a life with as few regrets as possible. Why? Because my children are watching me and it is a strong chance that they will follow my lead. I learned this from my own mother and grandmother, who I believed lived unfulfilled lives. My grandmother was from a generation of women who believed they should sacrifice themselves for their children and their men. The problem is her children never witness her happy and joyful. So they became adults who sacrifice themselves and regretfully never fulfilled their God-given gifts. And my mother, before her death at 48, was a drug addict who self-medicated to ease the pain from her own disappointing choices.
Witnessing the lives of my mother and grandmother has led me to the path of healing and self responsibility. Freedom and peace of mind have great value for me having seen so much abuse as a child. But the work to be joyful and peaceful isn’t always easy, though it is easier lately and with bountiful reward. The choice not to follow the example of adults in my life felt much like I was arm wrestling with a 300-pound, beer drinking, cigarette smoking, beard wearing, balding, sweating and roaring monster. But the call from Spirit was much stronger than the legacy of mediocrity, and it continues to be so.
Whether we are stay at home mothers or working mothers, our children can feel our presence, our energy. They sense our joyful or heavy hearts. I believe they are looking to us to discover what is possible for them. How connected are we to those around us? Are we fulfilled and being who God has created us to be? Is the world better because we are here? It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing. Joy is an attitude and state of mind that is infinitely available.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
If our children see us being our best, there’s a good chance they will follow suit.
Peace and Blessings,
Monique Ruffin-James
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I did not see this yesterday but saw the original show. I remember sitting there almost in shock as I watched women judging one another. It was harsh enough to fell a deaf yak. How messed up is that? I loved your perceptiveness. We all do what we believe is best – As a teacher I tried the working Mom way of life and it was not a good situation for me. I retired (ha) to be a stay at home Mom. I wound up taking care of the children of working Moms. I wanted them to feel secure knowing their little ones were being loved and cared for until they were safely back in their mothers arms.
Truly it is hard to know what kind of a day it has been before evening arrives. What I learned from Barbara Bush greatly reduced that sense of feeling judged by others: “The Christian mother must turn a deaf ear to the babble of voices vying for her attention and listen to God. It is in Scripture that she will find the only safe and reliable information about how to fulfill her calling as a wife and mother”.
I think woman are amazing and awesome – blessings to the indispensible variety and their beautiful gifts from God –