God Bless THIS Child
Posted on July 26, 2007
Filed Under Singing, Trusting God, Jazz Theologian |
So last night I got to sing one of the most beloved Jazz songs ever, God Bless the Child by Billie Holiday. It was a blast, it was beautiful, I sounded great and it was (crap) imperfect.
Here goes: First, let me start by explaining why I got to sing in the first place. My pastor, my wonderful, brilliant, creative, talented yet oddly humble pastor (and, no I’m not writing that just because I happen to know that he occasionally reads this magazine) is two weeks into his ultra progressive 7-week series “Discovering the Gospel in Jazz” and it is hot! The teaching is innovative and fresh and the talent is excellent. Prior to taking the stage to offer what I really desired to be a stellar performance, I’m listening to Robert talk about the overt tension present in the Word, in our lives and in Jazz - making the connection beautifully between the three. Tension. I’ve got some of that.
There is, in me and I imagine in everyone trying to live their lives in the Spirit while still cloaked in the flesh, the constant struggle between the two. (Sometimes it’s more like a wrestle, other times it’s more like a dance.) Tension within my thoughts. Tension within my appetites. Tension within my practices. Tensions within my prayer life. And sometimes when I’m really weary of the whole thing, there’s no tension at all . . . I simply give in. Tension.
After Robert concludes, I take the stage to sing the song, but only after Chris Lang (the featured artist) gives me too lofty an introduction (something about the lovely and talented Nicole Walters to sing Billie Holiday’s God Bless the Child, yada, yada, yada) and suddenly I’m filled with tension. Humility, pride. Courage, fear. Bigness, invisibility. Confidence, cowardice. Stay, run! Who am I? Who am I to sing these words to this melody that has withstood time and era? Who am I to give my rendition to the song that needs never be sung again? But, with a heart beating too rapidly under the sudden weight of it, I do. Really good too. At first.
I more than “get through” the first part of the song. I’m loving my phrasing. I’m loving the vibrato. I hear myself place notes rather than just sing them. And, I feel my face interpreting the lyrics, “you can help yourself, just don’t take too much.” Yessssssssss. Then came the sax solo. Great. I’m grooving. Enjoying it. Too much. I come back in too early and on the wrong part. Whoops. But I’ve started so . . . yeah. The last 40 seconds of the song was filled with tension. I’m singing verse, the band is playing chorus and there’s tension. Crap! We, then, “get through” the remainder of the song. People, mostly unaware of what’s just happened (at least those non-musician people in the audience) clap, a lot. Hmmm. I mouth the words, “I’m sorry” to Chris and he smiles in forgiveness. Tension.
Afterwards, when the night was over, people came up to me with accolades that I felt terrible even acknowledging, and one woman even asked if I gave Jazz vocal lessons . . . HA!
Feeling crummy, I told my musician friend what he knew was the obvious, “I came in too early . . .” He responded, putting his hands on my shoulders, “Hey, that’s improvisation, that’s tension . . . that’s Jazz.”
Fortunately, I serve a God who knows all about tension and lives beautifully in its midst. He’s the one, after all, who gives beauty for ashes, gladness for mourning, praise for despair. Hmmmm. Do I give Jazz vocal lessons . . . Ha!
Peace and Blessings,
Nicole Walters
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6 Responses to “God Bless THIS Child”
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Nicole,
I love your amazing, beautiful writing!!! I love the way you connect your experience to the tension of life and our walk with God–and I wish I could’ve been there! Honestly, I tossed and turned all night wondering how I ended up so very imperfect. I think I’ll print, save, (memorize?) your wonderfully encouraging article.
-Doodle
Glad to be of encouragement . . . and, frankly, thanks for your encouragement to me! Good Lord, this life we live with Christ is an interesting one, isn’t it? But here’s where I am lately; that I’m imperfect isn’t in question (as painfully evidenced in last night’s less than perfect rendition of the perfect song), but rather how is it that God can love, use and redeem my imperfect self? The answer is I don’t know. I’m just trying to have peace in the mystery.
very funny how a few seconds (whether those seconds are early or late) can make such a difference. thank U for sharing especially for the link. I am so curious, JAZZ & The Gospel? WoW!!!
That boi is baaaaaaad!
Ha! Man what a connection! Wow! Wow!
Um, ok so I just read Roberts blog, ok, so then let the Lord use you as an example, amen? HA! (ok, so I am sitting up here really giddy and excited too, at 11:30pm!)