This Little Light of Mine
Posted on June 26, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Responsibility, Fear, Trusting God, Goals, Fulfillment, Faith |
The other day I heard myself telling a close friend, “I’m parenting Zion, and guess what he’s parenting me as also.” No matter how old we get there is still more growing up to do. I’m not sure, but the last five months of being Zion’s mom has grown me up more than the 37 years prior. I don’t really recognize myself any longer.
Before Zion came I often doubted my strengths and abilities. I wanted to be seen and appreciated for what I had to offer but I never really believed I was good enough to put myself out there. A few years ago I started an upscale t-shirt line with a friend. Whenever we were out she’d tell people about the shirts, then she’d go get one out of her car and before it was over they were sold. I, on the other hand, rarely mentioned the shirts to anyone. And when I did, I believed they wouldn’t like them so I rarely convinced anyone to purchase a shirt. After a few months our business ended because I simply didn’t show up. Looking back that was sort of the story of my life, never believing and fully devoting myself to me or anything I was doing. The price I paid for this was a mediocre existence. My desires were always just outside my grasp.
When Zion was on his way I realized being a mother would require advocating and making sure my son gets everything he needs. Motherhood would insist courage to speak up and ask for what I needed, wisdom to know what is needed, and fearlessness in the face of any circumstance. No one would be able to care for him, love him, advocate for him as well as I. But then I asked myself, “how do I expect to stand for my child when I can’t stand for myself . . . what kind of example would set for Zion if I couldn’t stand in excellence for ‘me’.” As my son’s birth approached quickly I knew I had to find a deeper belief in myself.
Have you ever had an experience or life situation that pushed you out of your comfort zone? A situation that insisted you be bigger, better, more yourself than you ever had before. Can you recall an occasion when you knew you had to change, stop playing small or being the victim? You remember, the event or the situation where you knew there was no way out or around except that you grow and change into a better you.
What I’m excited about is God. He is about the business of getting a pay off from his creation. We may think we can hide behind our shortcomings, weaknesses, disabilities and such, but God has a better idea and intends greatness when we intend failure. Consider Moses. He had a speech impediment and God sent him to Pharaoh to demand freedom for the Israelites. Where Moses was attempting to be small and in the shadows, God required that he be bigger and visible.
Where are you hiding, or are you hiding? I’m not going to suggest you come out of the shadows or do anything like that. Nah, you can just sit there, all comfy if you like, ‘cause when its time, you’ll feel the arms of God ushering you to your platform. When God is ready for you to step to the stage and into the light, He will come for you, the way He came for me, for Moses, and all the others. God can and will orchestrate the perfect experience to create in you worthiness, confidence, humility, excellence and anything else necessary for you to do good work. And you will know its God by his grace.
Matthew 5: 14-16
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Being a mother has just about cured me of shrinking, believing I’m not enough and someone else can do it better. Zion is parenting me, insisting that if I’m going to stand for him than I must be willing to stand for myself first.
Peace and Blessings,
Monique Ruffin-James
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It is so funny how much some of my own posts are like yours. I’ve been on here a lot lately simply because it’s such good stuff. Keep it up.