Detach From What is Holding You

Posted on June 25, 2007
Filed Under Life, Fear, Trusting God, Goals, Self Care, Fulfillment, Faith, Success |

This week I’ve been praying to identify my attachments. Attachments are the things I hold dearer than my spiritual practice or my path to God. First I will admit this is not something I feel good admitting to myself, or anyone else for that matter. I’d like to think my relationship with God reigns supreme in my life and everything else is a far second. This reminds me of God’s request that Abraham sacrifice him his only son. He, being devoted and obedient, followed God’s instruction flawlessly and just before he plunged the dagger into his son’s heart, God spoke.

Here’s where it gets tricky and the questions mutates; God is not somewhere out there creating laws and making demands upon me. God lives within me. Now, I’ll need to consider what distracts me from being the person God has created me to be. What has power over me, hindering my relationship with God? Do I put off my God-given gift because I don’t feel worthy or valuable. Do I use my children or my age as excuses for not giving my gifts, the very gift God created me to share. Do I withhold my love and compassion towards myself and my neighbors because I’m distracted by addiction or self loathing?

Where are your attachments? What do you hold closer to your heart than your relationship, your love for God? What is keeping you from having a deep and intimate relationship with the Spirit? Is it your children? Your spouse? Your worldly possessions? How about your bank account? Whatever has power over you is keeping you arms length from God.

Well I sat down, afraid of what I would discover and hesitant to admit something has more of my attention than God. I waited silently, feeling into my heart and my body as I listened, the answer like thunder . . . Worldly success. Yes, the thing I have great attachment to is my desire to be seen as successful in the world. I wasn’t shocked by this revelation, though something in me wanted to keep it secret from God – believing I’ll surely be a failure now, but silly me.

I then asked myself what worldly success would offer me? Awe? No, not that. Boy this one hurt. It turns out that I feel worldly success would give me a sense of feeling valuable. It’s a long story, but here’s the short version. I was raised by my paternal grandmother and she was not rich by any stretch of the imagination. My mother’s family, on the other hand, was very wealthy. Growing up I was often told that my being successful would prove to my mother’s family that I was something. I’m sure the adults in my life had no idea they were planting seeds that I was not good enough as I am in my head, but that is how it translated. Now, here I am a 38-year-old woman still believing financial and worldly success will validate me and tell the world I’m enough. I’m telling you, that little girl pops up at the oddest times.

My attachment to the belief that I’m not valuable is inhibiting my expression of love and my unique God given gifts.

Coincidently the very thing I desire, success, was being blocked by my idea that I’m not worthy and I need to prove my worth. It’s impossible to create and serve God believing I’m not worthy. I also discovered during this process that if we dig underneath our seeming worldly attachment, our idea that something outside will make us better, we will be pointing back to ourselves when we ask what does that thing out there make us feel. Or better yet, what does the lack of that thing make us feel.

What are your attachments? Maybe you are putting all your energy and love into your children, while you neglect yourself. Or you are working at a job that pays a great salary but restricts you from pursuing your true love, which I believe is your gift to the world, your light. Consider asking yourself what beliefs keep you from being who God created you to be, giving what God planted in you to give. We may live believing our prayer life and ability to quote scripture means we have a good relationship with God and, yes, that is apart of it. And who we are being contributes in a big way to our intimacy with God. Just a little something to consider.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Peace and Blessings,

Monique Ruffin-James