Lesson Learned . . . Maybe

Posted on June 12, 2007
Filed Under Life, Ministry, Responsibility, Fear, Writing, Trusting God, Goals, Work, Faith |

Last night I got around 41/2 hours of sleep. Yeah. That makes for a very grumpy Nicole. Here’s the deal. In thinking about a speaking engagement this weekend, I went to bed heavy with the load of everything I needed to do to prepare. While I had already sifted through the selected theme for the weekend, there was still much more reading, writing and envisioning that I needed to do in order to offer my best. So, not surprisingly, my eyes flew open with worry and, eventually, the worry got the best of me and I found myself downstairs and on my computer at 2:00 a.m.

It’s amazining how quiet a house can be at 2:00 in the morning . . .

So, there I was, reading, writing, sending emails, worrying . . . and making tremendous progress. My “talk” began taking shape and I started breathing a little easier, I mean, even if my eyelids were closing as I typed. Did I mention that I had taken a Benedryl before bed because of my allergies? Yeah, I was and still am sleepy. But the worry was powerful, demanding and a brutal task master that the Benedryl proved no match for.

Finally, at around 4:30, I dragged myself back to bed and drifted back to sleep only to wake up two hours later to find out that the event was cancelled due to lack of participation. Cancelled. Kinda like my goodnight’s sleep.

A digression: When I was in undergrad, our family was in the midst of great turmoil and our future hung in the balance. I carried worry with me everywhere I went. One day during my English class a Jamaican student who I had come to really like - in part because of his very stereotypically Jamaican approach to life - stared a me with great concern. Finally he said, “Hey gurll, don’t worry. It might not happen.” I, shocked out of my nightmare of a daydream, felt lighter at the thought.

Phillipians 4: 6 and 7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

How do we do that? Not worry. The truth is that there I times that I feel like I have that mastered; when the reminder that God is a God who is limitless in power and benevolence and is in control of everything really gives me the comfort and peace needed to be in rest. And then there are times when those truths are little more than nice sentiments.

While I don’t know how to stay in rest, no matter the circumstance, I do know that the choice is mine to make if whether I do. Even if the retreat was still on and I still had to scramble to get my presentation together, I could choose peace - regardless of the pressing deadlines concerning the retreat and everything else I’m committed to. God doesn’t change in our circumstances, we do. And either we trust Him by relying upon His strength, insight, wisdom and will to do through us what we cannot do ourselves, or we don’t. Either we believe Him, or we don’t.