May 15 Issue - Resilience

Posted on June 5, 2007
Filed Under Past Issues |

I am thrilled! My Goodness Magazine’s topic this issue is (drum roll, please . . .) Resilience! You know, falling down and getting back up again… falling down again and back up again… One of the best things about life and God is that we get to begin again – into eternity. Each one of us has our own story of overcoming adversity, a “how I got over” experience, a “there but for the grace of God go I” season. Resilient is what we all are. Life creates it in us, demands it of us even – all for our highest and best good.

In this issue you’ll find kindred spirits. On her Fill Your Spirit page, Nicole has written a humbling and introspective article titled Fight or Flight: A Retrospective. Check out my article in Feed Your Mind, The Buoyancy of Belief. I share the story of a remarkable young woman who knows what it is to be a living miracle. Take some time in our Feed Your Soul section, where you’ll find a poem titled “The Process” written by Puritee that beautifully illustrates the workings of a resilient life. And we are so please to introduce you to an incredible woman walking, even now, in resilience on the Find Your Flow page. Breast cancer survivor Cindy Del Hierro has discovered a little something we can all benefit from. Don’t miss it! Finally, we are beyond excited to at last debut a section we hope becomes more regular . . . our guest contributor page, Follow Your Heart! Our first guest writer, Pastor Sylvia Penny, shares an inspired article about overcoming adversity that will have you feeling like you just left the church house! Fire!

So, what are you waiting for? Come on in. You can read some stuff or write some stuff, but whatever you do we pray that you grow the good!

Peace and Blessings,

Monique Ruffin-James

Fill Your Spirit

Posted on March 12, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

Fight or Flight: A Retrospective by Nicole Walters

Nicole is waiting for her hair to grow back, loving this magazine and the money for therapy it saves her, and is grateful that as she’s typing this intro (in third-person . . . weird) she has only three days left before she leaves for Paris!

Adversity. Set backs. Obstacles. Challenges. Hurdles. Opposition. Conflict. Hardship. Difficulty. Misfortune. Resistance. Live long enough and you’ll experience all of this. I didn’t say it, Jesus did.

. . . in the world you will have tribulation . . .

I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to have witnessed real life “heroes” (a topic we’ll discuss next in My Goodness Magazine) who have risen above circumstances, met the challenge, and willed themselves to the “other side” with nothing more than the sheer determination it took to get them thereWell, maybe a little more that just determination (there is God, friends, prayer, etc.), but still . . .

I’ve even already written about them, my personal role models who live their lives with characteristics like perseverance, determination, resolve, fortitude, purpose, and willpower. I don’t need any Randall Wallace screenplay, or John Williams score to be inspired. There’s my Grandmother whose simple faith in God is the reason I am here today. And, then there are my sons, Ryan and Cole, who each, at one time or another, have caused my own faith to grow because of theirs. My life has been chockfull of examples of people living with resilience against life’s sometimes-dogged determination to bring you down.

Memory Lane . . . A Cautionary Stroll

Conversely, I’ve also had a front row seat in the theatre of defeat . . . more often in my own life than in the lives of others. I have been, at best, sidetracked, and at worse, derailed by the “light and momentary troubles” Paul wrote about in 2 Corinthians . . . I’ve been knocked down by depression, silenced by a low self-esteem, deceived by my own pride, rendered impotent by fear, and paralyzed by the lack of anything remotely resembling faith. That’s me. That’s my story. It is one full of stumbling, falling, sitting, sulking, and resigning, amid a few shining moments too. As I look back – through the lens of God’s grace – my failures are not the only things that are apparent. My evolution into a more mature, more confident, more complete daughter of God is evident too.

Let’s take a walk, shall we, down Nicole’s long and spacious Hall of Shame. Roughly 12 years ago, after faithfully participating in a weekly Bible study at the church I attended, one of the leaders asked me if I would consider teaching the class. That, to my present dismay, was the last Sunday the class ever saw me. I, in fear, in humiliation, and in unworthiness, ran from a beautiful opportunity and into the familiar arms of shame. See, just the day before, in a fit of rage, sadness, and pride, I started what I regard as one of the worse fights in our marital history with my husband. I committed a virtual assassination with my tongue for which I still deserve an arrest today. I said things that, right now, make me want to call him to apologize and offer to cook dinner EVERY night for the rest of my life. Good grief . . .

- Excuse me while I take a break to remind myself that I am hidden, now and forever, in the holiness of Christ . . . okay . . . okay . . . okay, I’m better now –

My Own Worse Enemy

The disgrace of my, er, naughty behavior was enough to send me running from what I knew then and know even more now is one of the things that God has gifted me to do. And, if we’re being honest (why oh why do I feel the need to be so transparent at times?!), not only did I run, but I settled down, got comfortable, and made a home in my newfound silence, invisibility, and isolation. All because I lacked the humility to acknowledge my devilish behavior, the honesty to confess it, and the belief that in the confession I’d find the forgiveness that wipes my slate clean and keeps me free to be the woman God has designed me to be. In other words, I didn’t engage the tools I needed to experience overcoming, and I lacked the spiritual resilience in getting up after taking a nasty spill. Twelve years ago . . .

That I was faced with moral adversity wasn’t in question for me. (It wouldn’t be for you either if I could somehow magically transport you to that glorious moment, but then you’d probably stop reading this magazine for the rest of your life!) What was questionable though was my response to my very real, internal setback. I had a million ways in which I could have chosen to respond. Ways that, 12 years later, I’d like to think I would choose over my then retreat. I want to believe that today, having experienced the restorative grace of God more times than I’m proud to admit that I’ve needed it, I would fall on His promises of 1 John 1:9. Or, that I, knowing more about God’s power to redeem our shortfalls today than I did 12 years ago, would rely squarely on His word in Titus 2:14. Or that now, since I have in my subsequent years experienced the divine economy of Romans 8:28, I would chalk up my moment of temporary lunacy to yet another thing that God is somehow going to work out for my good and His glory . . . even if it doesn’t make any earthly sense to me.

I believe these things, with some confidence because time has passed, and with it I have learned (by trial and error) to . . . well . . . believe God more, and that enables me to live more as a victor over my circumstances than a victim of them. When He says there is no condemnation, there is no condemnation. When He says that love covers a multitude of sin, love covers it. When He says that His grace is sufficient, His grace is sufficient. I choose to believe. At least, everyday I’m learning to choose belief, and everyday I’m a step closer. I’m not the same woman I was 12 years ago, she was immature, naïve, self-obsessed, and in no way a warrior. Nor am I any where near the woman I’ll be 12 years from now. I’m determined, as I seek God deeper, wider and truer with each day He grants me, to be a little wiser, a little more faithful and a little more victorious and resilient.

V. I. C. V. I. C. T. O. R. Y. (for all you cheerleaders out there!)

That’s just one portrait of my humanity within my vast Hall of Shame. There are corridors, closets, and alcoves galore to satisfy anyone’s voyeurism . . . but I can only stomach this brief stop so you’ll have to just trust me. But you know what? For every portrait that hangs in prominence on the walls of my hall that depicts a low moment of mine, there is also the frame of God’s grace surrounding it that says “you are more than a conqueror . . . you are more than a conqueror.” And, in Christ, I am . . . and so are you . . . because He conquered the adversities and trails of this world, we can too.

. . . but take courage; I have overcome the world!

Renowned Bible teacher Beth Moore has a quote that I adore: a faithful life is made up of faithful days. What I like about it, in addition to its simple truth, is the interchangeability of the word “faithful.” A joyful life, a prayerful life, a purposeful life . . . a victorious life is made up of victorious days. Today, I choose victory. Today.

Peace and Blessings,

Nicole Walters

The Honest to Goodness Truth:

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Are you a resilient person? If so, what gives you your resilience? If not, how does your lack of resilience manifest itself in your life? Isolation? Fear? Inactivity? What do you imagine that you are missing out on in your life by your lack of resilience? How can you grow resilience? I encourage you to do it! There are new mountains to scale and new roads to travel that you may well fall down upon but . . . well . . . so what! Go on. Give it a try! There are everlasting arms there to pick you up again.

Free Your Mind

Posted on March 12, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

The Buoyancy of Belief by Monique Ruffin-James

Monique is a lover of miracles and divine synchronicities, a lover of spring flowers, working desperately to fit into her trendy jeans and grateful for her life and her friends and family.

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be a stronger person! Do not pray for a task equal to your power. Pray for power equal to your task. Then the doing of your work shall not be the miracle, but you yourself shall be the miracle. Every day you shall wonder at yourself. At the richness of life which has come in you by the grace of God.

Phillips Brooks
1835-1893

The reality of life is many of people are disconnected from the source of good within them. They are disconnected from their hearts and souls, the pathway to God. For many of us, we ceased to dream about living to our fullest potential early in life, when we experienced our first hurts, which turned into wounds that were rarely nursed and even more rarely healed. In this case, life is spent barely escaping one event after another until we tire from constant running and find ourselves exhausted and convinced that there is no way out –no path to peace or freedom.

Most of us succumb to what we perceive as the constant onslaught of adversity that life sends our way — at least to the degree that we stop believing in our unique capabilities or all together abandon our faith. Then there are those of us who listen to the still quiet voice from within. We listen until it is stronger than the voices and the images in the outside world. We listen until we are perfectly tuned in and can take clear direction as we are led to who we are meant to be. Felicia* has done just that. In only 17 years she has accomplished the greatest thing any person can: being true to her own heart.

Growing up, the police banging down her door was common place. By five years old she knew her only way out would be education. Despite her mother’s crack addiction, and her brother’s drug trafficking, she was determined to get free. In her kindergarten class she raised her hand after every question her teacher asked. Confident in her intellect and her desire to learn, she would not let the conditions of her community and her home life strangle her genius or her dreams. With little guidance or leadership, except for the voice within her, and in the midst of drug raids, she studied. With a mother missing in action, she studied. Amid the sirens and police helicopters, she studied. Traumatized by violence, she studied.

When I first met Felicia, she was 17 and graduating high school with honors. She had been accepted to 12 of the 15 colleges where she’d applied: Berkeley, NYU, UCLA, and Stanford, just to name a few. I was referred to her by an organization that assists and prepares inner city youths for the top colleges in the country. I was excited to sit with her and to hear her story from her point of view. We drove from our neighborhood, South Central, Los Angeles, to Marina Del Rey, a mere 6 miles or so up the highway. As we drove, she commented that she’d never been to this side of town before. This was difficult for me to believe - it’s walking distance on a good day, except people in Los Angeles don’t walk any where.

We were seated on the patio at California Pizza Kitchen. After ordering our food she talked about her life, her choices and her determination. Not in this way really – I would say she was very humble in the way she spoke about her life saying “something inside told me to study.” She spoke as if she was still living the story, with the outcome as yet undetermined. She didn’t see herself as being different from or better than her family in any way. It seemed to me she was just choosing education, the way they were just choosing addiction. I didn’t detect any anxiety in Felicia to get away from her environment; she was merely taking the direction of her soul. I asked if she was resentful of her mother, her choices and her addiction. “No,” she answered, “she always protected us, met our needs first, and what ever was left she used for drugs. I respect and love my mother and, when she’s ready, maybe one day she’ll stop.”

Long ago I released the idea that some people are innately special or better in some way. I’ve come to think we’re all special or none of us are. But Felicia makes me think again, I wonder if she is special and if she has learned something in her 17 years many of us never learn? In the many times I’ve spoken with Felicia, I witnessed in her an unconscious strength and a knowing about her life. This knowing was so strong that it was never challenged by the outward circumstances of her life. While other kids would succumb to the lure of the streets, fast money or material bling, Felicia studied.

I’ve interviewed many women who’ve come through difficult times, and I’ve had a few tough times of my own. I’m certain we all have a few war stories to share. We can all recall past events that challenged us, made us reach deep inside or pray hard for relief. I’m fascinated by women whose light shines brighter and who become more hopeful, loving and beautiful after a difficult season. Like the Phoenix who rises from the ashes or the flower that grows out of concrete, it is the nature of life to seek itself - to live regardless of conditions.

We find that people’s beliefs about their efficacy affect the sorts of choices they make in very significant ways. In particular, it affects their levels of motivation and perseverance in the face of obstacles. Most success requires persistent effort, so low self-efficacy becomes a self-limiting process. In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, strung together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacle and inequities of life.
Albert Bandura

Resilience is my favorite topic and I’d say we’re all resilient in many ways. One thing I know for sure is we are the sum total of our choices and our perception. Do you believe life’s events are happening to you or do you believe events happen for you? How you choose to perceive life makes all the difference in a resilient spirit.

Whether you think you can do a thing or not- you are right,
Henry Ford.

As we examine our lives up to this point, what would you say stands out about who you were during times of adversity? Did you snap into fix it mode or did you fall apart? Maybe you did both? Did you allow people to assist you or did you pretend to have it all together? Did you promise to get your life together, this time Lord…if only? Or did you trust God and lean into His arms, the arms of the everlasting Lord? The truth is during difficult times we do a little of each, depending where we are in our lives.

The issue is how we deal with the issue. Our choices can make an already difficult experience more difficult. Take birthing labor for instance, during contractions when the pain is at its highest, the mid-wife suggested that I surrender into the pain, don’t resist – let it take me. Surrendering is a huge opportunity to allow God’s hand in our lives in a new way. It opens us to the infinite possibilities of Spirit.

Ask yourself do you believe life is happening for you, and if you perceive whether events are designed to harm or break you? Perception is key in all seasons, especially during adversity. I believe adverse experiences are designed so we might discover what we’re made of, so that we may look for goodness, newness and freedom. As we move through life one breath, one day, one choice at a time, we learn we can do all things by the grace of God.

Peace and Blessings,

Monique Ruffin-James

The Honest to Goodness Truth:
Psalm 139: 12

Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Do you trust that life events are designed for your highest and best good? Or are you a victim, powerless in the face of challenge? Do you listen to your inner guidance and obey what you hear? How have you come through past challenges? Do you marvel at who you are as a result? Please share your thoughts with our community. Your sisters need to hear your story to gain confidence in sharing their own.

* We’ve used a pseudonym to protect anonymity.

Feed Your Soul

Posted on March 20, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

The Process by Puritee

Puritee has dimples to DIE for, only recently had her first CD release party, and has just begun . . . word!

Just like an elastic band, if I extend myself anymore I am going to break
My soul is bent all out of shape and I’m making too many mistakes
How do I stretch forth without loosing my elasticity?
Right now I feel hopeless…Are you sure I’m still moving towards my destiny?

Why does it seem so hard to do right?
I feel like I am in a boxing match and I’m loosing the fight
Battle after battle in the midst of this spiritual war
Lord speak to me because there has to be something else better in store

As your blanket of comfort heals my soul
I am reminded again of your role
You promised to never leave me nor forsake me
And that I am never alone in the midst of adversity

I know my prayers to you do not fall on deaf ears
And that your spirit within me never disappears
So whenever I want to give up and fall into an eternal slumber
I remember that as long as you are with me I will always be an over comer

Written by Puritee

Find Your Flow

Posted on March 25, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

Columbia, Costa Rica, Haiti, Italy, Peru, Prague, Philippines, Mexico, Austria, Argentina, Thailand . . . Cindy Del Hierro has traveled the world living out God’s call and purpose on her life, but within the last few years she has traveled perhaps her most difficult road: a breast cancer diagnosis. Having given most of her life to the service of others, her experience in the adversity of cancer invited Cindy to learn what it’s like to, instead, receive the love, encouragement, and prayers of others. It is an honor to introduce you to Cindy, co-founder of Confluence Ministries, wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend, teacher, speaker, pray-er, and incredible woman of God.

What do you know about yourself now that you didn’t before breast cancer?

I didn’t realize then how much I truly depend on my body to do what I want it to do. I took it for granted that whenever I wanted to do something physically I would just do it! It was frustrating for me to feel weak and sick during chemotherapy and not be able to fulfill my desires each day. Just getting through the day was an accomplishment sometimes.

Can you recall how you felt and what you were thinking when they confirmed breast cancer?

I felt overwhelmed with various emotions, including fear and disbelief. There were waves of anxiety about the possibility of the spread of the disease and also the types of treatment I would have to endure. Because I have been in ministry a long time, I have been exposed to many people who have faced cancer and have suffered and died from it. I didn’t want to think about that happening to me.

Considering the entire experience/journey, have there been any gifts, if so what are they?

I am thankful for the gifts of meaningful conversation with family and friends. There were many reminiscent moments. I cherish those times with my children and husband when we would talk about our history together. Also, the Lord’s faithfulness and kindness each day was a tremendous gift of grace. I am deeply grateful for His stabilizing presence during those dark moments of doubt and struggle. I also received a lot of love from around the world! Cards, emails, prayers, words of encouragement were, and still are, very impacting for me.

What if any advice would you offer to women who are going through similar circumstances?

Learn to receive the care of others. Stay surrounded with positive, prayerful people who care about your well being. Let those you trust speak into your life and help you when you need it.

How did you support yourself spiritually and mentally during that time in your life?

I think staying open, honest and willing to share my true thoughts and feelings with the Lord, as well as others around me, helped me mentally and spiritually. Staying quiet when I needed to be quiet kept me at peace. Too much stimulation was overwhelming for me, especially while I was in treatment with chemo.

Was death ever a thought for you?

Yes, death was often a thought in my mind, especially when it was confirmed that cancer was in one of my lymph nodes. Facing death with my family was hard for me. It was sad to think I might not be here to help influence my children and grandchildren in the future and the thought of not spending time with them really hurt. I have wondered how hard it would be for them to endure the loss of a mother, grandmother and wife.

How are you different, what changes have you made in your life, if any?

People often ask me, “didn’t cancer change your whole life?” And to that I answer, “No.” Cancer essentially did little for me. It didn’t change my view of God, my thoughts about heaven, my relationship with my family and friends, my philosophy of ministry, my values and practices, etc. What it did do for me is give me a better perspective on the important things each day and to not take myself so seriously. I feel more confident as a person and I am more apt to say yes to things I might have been fearful of in the past. I do think I am more sensitive to people who struggle with life-defining illnesses.

What were your darkest moments?

My darkest moments would have been during chemotherapy. There were many days I struggled with unbearable side effects. I remember one day in particular when my blood counts were extremely low and I had to go into the treatment center for fluids. I was sick and angry that I had to be there. I have always been a healthy person. (I exercised regularly for 23 years, often ate a healthy organic diet, breast fed my children, never took hormones, and didn’t have a family history of cancer.) I felt tested to the core with weakness and it didn’t seem fair. “I was faithful to take care of this temple!” I ranted. I have always been an independent person. Feeling weak and vulnerable was difficult.

What was your brightest moment?

Interestingly, my brightest moment was in the hospital coming out of surgery after having my left breast removed. I felt an overwhelming presence of God near me. His peace and love comforted me so much so that I felt inspired to worship Him. Even after hearing that the cancer had spread to one of my lymph nodes, I just wanted to worship Him. After I was moved out of intensive care and into my room we worshipped Jesus for hours. It was glorious.

What do you know about God now that you didn’t before breast cancer?

God continually provided for us in ways that were beyond my expectations. He reaffirmed for me that He is my Father. He loves me beyond what I can imagine. A scripture He gave me during this time (came out of the blue and was totally unexpected), is in Psalm 118:17-18. It says in the Message Bible, “I didn’t die, I lived! And now I’m telling the world what God did. God tested me, He pushed me hard, but He didn’t hand me over to Death.”

I am His! That was settled a long time ago. He is in control of every breath I take. His love endures and I am in his hand. Where else can I go? I thank Jesus for being true to himself. He is trustworthy and faithful and my days are His. I want to fulfill all He has planned for me and I pray I will be useful for His Kingdom until my last breath on this earth. “Oh yes, God—a free and full life!”

Cindy Del Hierro
www.confluenceministries.org

Follow Your Heart

Posted on April 10, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

Pastor Sylvia Penny is . . .well . . . fire. In a word.

Overcoming Adversity by Pastor Sylvia Penny

What is adversity? How many times have you faced it? And did you ever feel as though you had made it through? Adversity faces you every day of your life and it comes in many different tones, textures and levels. Did you actually make it through? Or did you suppress it and shove it deep down in your subconscious, lying dormant until something activates it again in life?

If there is anything we seemingly lack tolerance for it is something upsetting our agendas, routines and schedules. But this is what adversity does; it gets you with the element of surprise.

Adversity can be as simple as having a pimple on your first date with someone you wanted to go out with forever and ever. Or something as mind blowing as the Virginia Tech massacre or the Hurricane Katrina devastation, and everything in between.

Adversity has a major role in our lives because every time we are faced with it, it teaches us “if you make it through this circumstance, situation, issue or failure, then you have become more than what you were.” It teaches us that there is greatness inside of us that we have not yet discovered. We must be careful not to compromise with the choices that are set before us. When we have a true purpose in our lives, it turns into a lifelong determination to do what we know is right and not give in to pressures.

Fear and doubt travel with adversity and they cause us to judge ourselves by our failures, our mistakes, our pains and our broken places. We have to adjust ourselves to God’s way of seeing things and God’s way of seeing us. We must be devoted to God’s principles and committed to a course of action. Great strength in one area of life does not make up for great weaknesses in other areas.

The NLT Concordance reads in Job 36:15, “But by means of their suffering, he rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through suffering.” See the adversity is not designed for our demise but for our building up. On the other hand, it is for the demise of our uncrucified flesh. If we didn’t have adversity we would never strive for higher heights and deeper depths. We would cruise through life never maximizing the gifts and talents within us that is for the benefit of ministry to others. God’s presence does not overwhelm a person’s will.

Isaiah 30:20 reads: “Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and affliction to drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes.”

God expects a lot from us and many times following Him can be painful, but He always acts out of his love for us. The next time you go through a difficult time, try to appreciate the experience and grow from it, learning what God wants to teach you. God may be showing you His love by patiently walking with you through adversity. God can use a person of faith, in spite of their mistakes. Remember, adversity will always be present and life always creates more questions than we have answers to, but we must constantly go to God for fresh insights into life’s dilemmas.

Isaiah 30:18 reads: “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.”

To reach Pastor Sylvia, contact her at thesheepsgate2@yahoo.com.