To Dream or Not to Dream
Posted on May 30, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Life, Ministry, Trusting God, Goals, Fulfillment, Faith |
Last night I got a phone call from a friend who is involved in a music group with me. Mid conversation, it dawned on me that the talk we were sharing sounded very much like I was talking to myself. He expressed his discontent with what feels like mediocrity or stagnation in his life. He questioned whether his artistic, ministry goals were from him or God, given the lack of their perceived manifestation in his life. He spoke of his frustration at the thought of a “small” territory with regards to his sphere of influence. He lamented over the fact that he’s getting “older” (never mind he’s several years my junior) and felt no closer to his dream . . . and was it his dream or God’s anyway . . .
What is this discontent? What is this spiritual, emotional and practical unrest? And, going a step further, do we have the right to even experience it? (Just when I thought I was over my apparent need for therapy!) We’ve read the scriptures, right?
Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 20:4 - May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
But how do you juxtapose those scriptures that tell us our plans not only matter to us, but to God too against those that tell us that our lives, let alone our plans, are not even ours to live, to pursue or to desire, but that they belong to God instead?
Galatians 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
And, how do you live in the glorious tension between the two?
The answer is: I don’t know. I don’t know how to do it in the long run. I don’t know how to do it in the day by day. I, too, have dared to dream my “big dream” only to have my hopes dashed and heart broken in my perceived failure to achieve it. I, too, have cautioned myself against such frivolity in hopes of sparing myself the let down, the disappointment, and the reminder that is it God, a God who I don’t always understand or feel, who is in control, not me.
But here’s where I find some contentment, some encouragement even. I love the question. I love that I am bothered by my constant need to seek, consult, and try to figure out God and His plans for my life. I feel, well, evolved in this walk I do with Christ, that I’m actually concerned with what He thinks, what He wants, what He needs me to do. Yes. It comes at a cost sometimes . . .sleep, my own desires, and a million other little sacrifices, but I believe that by making them I am at least in the vicinity of what this “daily bread” relationship with Him looks like.
My life may never be what I, in my finite and limited understanding, dream it. And, if I’m being transparent, that stings just a little bit. I have the nerve to think that I actually know what I want. But I try to take solace in God’s declaration that says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13.
So we strive to set goals and pursue them, and we risk the vulnerability of a let down. And, that’s okay. God is there too, closing one door for another, redirecting from one path to another, and leading us closer to Him in the process.
I think I’ll still choose to dream. I must. He’s made me creative, expressive, and strangely competitive by nature. And I think, in the process, I’ll still choose contentment and faith. I must. Because He’s maturing me, refining me, and allowing me to grow my trust in His love for me. I think I can do it. Today. Man, this thing is more complicated than I thought.
Peace and Blessings,
Nicole Walters
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Finally read it…my bad sis. i’m tellin you, this is where i’m at. and yet i find my perspective is being corrected by scripture even as I think on it. the passage - delight yourself in the lord - says it all. when He is the longing of my heart, the focal point of my affections…all else that doesn’t jive melts away. I am afraid that the desires of my heart that remain in the aftermath may not include what I’ve dreamed up til this point. I’m that kid clutching plastic pearls when God has authentic ones waiting for me.
Thanx for sharing your heart with me and lettin me vent:) friend of mine I appreciate you!