When Enough is Too Much

Posted on May 7, 2007
Filed Under Life, Parenting, Trusting God, Goals, Self Care |

Since giving birth 12 weeks ago, I’ve anxiously awaited the moment I can fit back into my trendy Citizen Jeans. At least once a week I attempt putting them on by jumping, pulling or squatting my way into jeans that just are simply too small! To remedy this situation, I created a plan to do what I know works – exercise. I started easy, taking long walks in the mornings, stopping every so often to smell the roses, literally. I love spring.

After a week of walking I was ready for a nice long run, or a slow short jog. I started moving slowly down my block telling myself, I’ll jog half way to the bank, which is about a mile. Having run a few marathons in my day, I thought this would be a breeze. Approaching the half-way point, I thought, I can go farther. I jogged passed the stop signed and turned the corning moving in the direction of the bank. Passing yet another block, I tracked my breathing, slowed my pace and proceeded to the bank.

Finally, I arrived at my destination. After coming to a complete stop, I realized I was more tired than I thought. I leaned over attempting to catch my breath. My head was spinning! I thought I’d just do my banking transaction and sit for a minute while I caught my breath. Walking into the bank, I noticed my neighbor but hoped he wouldn’t notice me . . . no such luck. “Aren’t you the lady down the street and didn’t you just have a baby?” Darn it! I can’t talk . . . I can barely breathe or hold my head up. “Yes,” I said as I slowly lowed myself to the ground. “Are you okay?” he asked staring at me strangely. “Yes. I just over exerted myself jogging here,” I gasp. “I probably shouldn’t have.” I sat on the ground in front of the bank as my neighbor proceeded to share his life story for the past few months. After about six minutes or so, I, holding my head as high as I could, whispered, “This is not a good time. I need to catch my breath.” I think he got the message. He said good-bye and turned to get into his car. I noticed that he had a passenger waiting in his car and I wondered if he was curious about what his friend and the drunken woman sitting on the ground were discussing. I wondered if they thought I was a crack addict. I look like a crack addict. I decided to make one final attempt to complete my banking. I stood up, head still spinning, breathing still difficult, and entered the bank. As I approached the ATM and placed my envelope inside of it I felt myself slip away. Oh my God I’m going to faint . . . I can’t hit the floor. I got my knees attempting to shorten the fall. Self-conscious, I turned to the woman behind me and tried to explain the reason for my condition as she, in horror, held on tightly to her daughter. I’m in worse shape than I thought.

Once again, I sluggishly moved to front of the bank and sat on the ground. Can I lay down here? Just then, a young, tall man wearing a suit and a bow tie beneath a bright yellow jacket with “Security” written across the front approached. “Queen . . . are you okay?” he asked as he knelt beside me. I explain the entire event, beginning with the fact that I just had a baby 12 weeks ago. I didn’t want him to think I was a crack head. “Can I get you something?” “Water!” He took off. With my head in my hand, I sat and waited for the man in the suit with the bright yellow security jacket who referred to me as Queen to return. Just then a twenty-something lady asked, “Do you need some water?” as she handed me two Arrowhead bottles. Like a kid in a candy store, I greedily gulped the water down. The difference was immediate. I was beginning to feel better. Lifting my head from my hand, I noticed the security guard running towards me with a tall glass of ice water. I was good to go. As the twenty-something woman was leaving the bank she offered to give me a ride home and I humbly accepted.

What I wild ride I took myself on. It’s not unusual for me to challenge myself pass my limits, especially concerning my weight. But never before has anything like this happened. I’m grateful things worked out like they did. I was most inspired by God’s timing. God shows up with the perfect remedy in the nick of time. There were several people who walked by, curious, some even scared, but only two asked if they could help. I felt like I was in the middle of the modern day “Good Samaritan” parable. The gift greatest gift is the humor of it all. Me, on the ground, out of breath, head spinning, two miles away from home . . . all to fit into a trendy pair of jeans. What ever was I thinking?

Peace and Blessings,

Monique Ruffin-James