Past Issue, 2 - Gratitude
Posted on April 29, 2007
Filed Under Past Issues, Gratitude |
An Unlikely Gratitude by Nicole Walters
Nicole is a lover of football, loud, finished wresting with her curly hair, and grateful for a mom and a mother-in-love who can both cook their butts off.
No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.
Elie Wiesel
The article that you’re reading represents my third try at writing about gratitude. I’ve started and finished my contribution to this issue of My Goodness Magazine only to do it again in an effort to concoct some profound insight or deep pithy proverbs about gratitude, how to be grateful, or why to be grateful. I concluded my previous attempts with choice expletives on the tip of my tongue, waves of doubt assailing my mind, and just barely saying “no” to the temptation to slam my new MacBook to the floor in disgust. (Exactly! Just who am I to write about gratitude?)
So, it’s come to this – I’ve resorted to my personal experience. While I typically love writing about my personal experiences, I hoped to go beyond that with this article but only managed to come full circle. And, I guess that’s okay because Revelations 12:11 tells us that we overcome by Christ’s blood and the word of our testimony. So here’s my story, my testimony if you will, about how I’ve come to appreciate the power and the merit of practicing gratitude because I only know what I know . . .
Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“Do you think we can be different?” Thus began an email sent to me from my husband nearly 10 years ago. It was, looking back, a very brave and humble “press send.” At the time we had, in a whirlwind of bitterness, anger, betrayal, and pain, been separated with the intention to divorce after almost 10 years of marriage. Hearts were broken, words were said, retainer fees paid, and there appeared no way out of the hell we were in. But God.
Having suffered every imaginable consequence of infidelity, our marriage was beyond any hopes of repair, let alone chance for joy, life, or future. Even though Marc had been my lone real love since third grade, no amount of remembrance of times past could salvage our present circumstance. It didn’t matter that he was my first “date” to Disneyland in elementary school or that we shared a love for Prince that only we understood. All of that seemed a lifetime ago and had no impact on my right now. And, by the time I received his email, I was beyond even wishing we could go back, start over and, in his words, “be different.” By then I had already fought my way through anger, severe and dangerous depression, and hopelessness to some measure of peace, acceptance, and promise of a new normalcy in life as a soon-to-be single parent.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Paul of Tarsus
For all of the heaviness in my life at the time, there was also the smallest presence of, what was it, optimism, hope, joy . . . gratitude? Yes, gratitude. Eventually. Surprisingly. The darkness of that experience in my life was undeniable, but just as irrefutable was the light . . . the light that persisted against the gloom in one form or the other. Friends and family mounted their horses and came to my rescue in ways that I’ll never fully be able to repay. And, God, well God was God in ways that I had never known before. Those moments of crying out to Him from the depths of me marked the beginning of authenticity between God and me. Until that point in my life I didn’t know God in the way Job came to know Him after his unwitting participation in history’s greatest cosmic wager. Job 42:5 - I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees You.
From my broken heart, pride, fear, and hopelessness spilled out and the love of God, and everything that it is, flowed in . . . making all the difference. If my newfound intimacy with my Creator was the only benefit from the lonely hours spent on my knees in prayer then that truly would have been enough, but God is a God of excess and “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” And that I was still alive, myself, and present after the depression I suffered was evidence that God’s power was at work within me.
Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.
Estonian Proverb
Over time and against my own wishes even, a new love for my husband began manifesting. What is this? The compassion that once fled my heart screaming began to creep its way back in alongside the reminder of the forgiveness that I’d received from God myself. And to my disbelief, hope of a life with my husband sprung up from beneath my brittle heart like a plant from beneath cracks in the clay. 
Bold, defiant, and confident against the odds. Jesus.
Slowly, faithfully, God began to heal our marriage. Or rather, we allowed God to begin to heal our marriage and ourselves. Jesus said that he only did what he saw his Father doing, and beyond our limited vision and mistakes, we saw God bringing reconciliation and newness so, taking a risk and doing the work . . . oh the work, we opted to join Him in faith instead of staying in unforgiveness rehearsing the hurt. While I trust that my life, even a life without Marc, would have still been heaving with God’s presence, I’m so grateful that today that’s only speculation. The truth is, I’m glad that Marc is here, and that today I call him husband, friend, companion, advisor, lover, brother, and fellow pilgrim.
There were so many gifts from that great and terrible storm. Of my longing to get closer to the One who healed my broken heart His Beloved was born as I wrote the songs of longing and praise that comforted me alone in my room at night. Marc came to Christ for himself and has since become a personal hero of the faith in my life, an example of gentle, confident leadership and servanthood to our boys, and the mentor of many other football-playing boys belonging to others. Our home, once divided, has hosted prayer meetings and Bible studies for other men and women, our brothers and sisters, as they sojourn this life walk. If you would have told me then that I would one day be grateful for the grief that very nearly killed me I would have called you a liar and resented your optimism . . . But God.
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.
Meister Eckhart
The point is this: God is. And because of that simple truth we can, if we choose, traverse our valleys of the shadow of death experiencing His peace, His promise, His instruction, His comfort, and whatever else from Him that we need. I couldn’t foresee the bounty of my marriage today while in our storm, but at some point I had purposed to see God, and He is always, unequivocally, good.
Admittedly, gratitude is often something more identifiable seen in retrospect . . . it’s easier to look back on a thing and be “grateful” for the experience, with lessons learned packed safely in our hearts. And truthfully, if I can’t be grateful in today’s pain, I at least aspire to live in the expectancy of “one day” gratitude. At least.
Find the good – and praise it.
Alex Haley
God says He gives beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, and praise in exchange for despair. I don’t know what your ashes are made of, or what has your head bowed in mourning and despair, but ashes and bowed heads are things we all share in common. Live long enough and you’ll experience the pains and disappointments in this life that walk hand-in-hand with its joys. I rejoice that through it all, we can know the slightest promise of hope that refuses defeat and holds on to the possibility of God . . . and for that, come what may, I am most grateful.
What do you have to be grateful for? Have you expressed your gratitude? How? Or, why not? What can you do to create more gratitude in your life? Please take some time to express your heart with us. I pray that, as you reflect upon your life, you are overwhelmed with life-giving, love-affirming gratitude!
The Honest to Goodness Truth:
Psalm 107:1
Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever.
Peace and Blessings,
Nicole Walters
Be Grateful . . . More Than a Song by Monique Ruffin-James
Monique is a grateful chic, a long time friend, an Oprah devotee, Zion’s mom, and Lee’s wifey.
Be Grateful . . . I can hear the words of the song still resonating in my head today . . .
God has not promised me sunshine
That’s not the way it’s going to be
But a little rain (A little rain)
Mixed with God’s sunshine
A little pain (A little pain)
Makes me appreciate the good times
(Walter Hawkins; 1978)
We spent Sundays – all day – in church when I was a girl. My great grandfather’s church is where we all gathered to praise the Lord. I was related to most of the members of the congregation iån one way or another. And it wasn’t uncommon for old women to approach me singing, “I remember when your father was as little as you.” I’d smile, as they pinched my checks or patted my head. Within these four walls were several pews, a choir stand, Bibles, Hymnals, stained glass windows, old worn carpet, a podium for the minister, history, love, and music. I sat through many Sunday services there – most I don’t remember. Oh, but the music . . . The members of the choir, mostly cousins of mine, sang songs I still love today. I’m Going Up Yonder, Amazing Grace, How I Got Over, and my favorite, Be Grateful! My cousin Quensetta sang this song until people jumped out of their seats shouting, crying, and passing out in the aisles. 
They all had something to give thanks for, a reason to praise God, a journey which had God’s fingerprints all over it.
As I considered writing this article, I realized I needed to dig deep inside myself to find sincere feelings/expressions of gratitude; places in my life where I have contentment, where nothing additional needs to be added. Honestly, gratitude is a tricky thing. We are encouraged to be grateful for what we have, like the roof over our head, the fabulous job, our loved ones, and health, and while all of that is great, who would we be without our cars, expensive bags, curvy figures, and high profile jobs? Further, who would God be? Gratitude is so much more than counting our things or our comforts. Gratitude is choosing to be receptive to God’s unconditional promise: goodness. It is because God is for us and in us that we have all that we have in our lives, even things that we can perceive as lack. God is God in the dark and in the light; therefore, I am choosing to be grateful for the eternal, the never changing, and the unconditional presence of the living God.
Now then, how do we live, practice gratitude and not just give it lip service but genuinely live it from the well spring of the Infinite and Almighty? Dr. Michael Beckwith on Oprah said, “nothing new can come into our lives if we aren’t grateful.” If we are to be renewed, we must be grateful.
Recently, I found myself in the midst of life changing. My job announced its relocation to the lovely Denver, Colorado. Having spent a great deal of time in Denver, I knew instinctively that I would not be making the move with my company. Immediately fear of the upcoming change and judgment of my company’s choice consumed me – What will I do now? Why would they move to Denver? It can’t compare to Los Angeles!
(Editor’s note: We Denverites forgive you.) I struggled to be optimistic and to trust that all things were working for my good. While in bed one night, I began considering who I was before this job. Who I was before working in an environment where people prayed openly; where relationships and the mood of the environment is as important as the bottom line; and where people’s uniqueness and gifts were encouraged and highlighted. Before this job, I had never been published. I had no idea my life’s work would include inspiring women towards an authentic and practical relationship with themselves and God. If not for the time at this specific job and this particular time in my life, I would not be who I am now.
The company can move to the moon, but the gifts I’ve received are eternal. I am grateful for who I’ve become. I have received God’s goodness. The temptation to resent my company for relocating was strong, but choosing to be grateful feels so much better. I feel enthusiastic about what is unfolding for me. I feel joyful about the relationships I’ve created there. And, I’m grateful that I have grown tremendously. Being bitter and grateful doesn’t mix. It’s like the house divided against itself analogy that Jesus gave in Mark the third chapter.
I am learning that a grateful heart is directed by an open mind. The choice to be open allows the flow of God. So how do we live open, fearless, trusting, and therefore grateful? We begin by taking responsibility for our perceptions of the things going on in our lives. The Bible says that all things work together for good for them that love God. Hear this, not some things – all things! Every circumstance is working together for our good. This means that we need not protect ourselves. There is no reason to become cynical or jaded by circumstances that we perceive as having gone wrong. It’s okay to ask, where is my good? What is God offering me? Who was I before? Who am I now? The questioning itself is an act of being open – teachable. When we ask questions we open up to another perspective and new possibility. 
The moment our mind is changed we are changed. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2.
Now, when life experiences are painful, do all you can to care for yourself. You are your responsibility. Your peace and happiness are yours to own, create, protect, and grow. Go out of your way to self -care. Spa days? Therapy? Girl Friends get away? Quiet time alone? What do you find as a source of healing and inspiration? Lately caring for myself is my priority. Being home with a newborn requires great attention and can be exhausting. Daily I ask myself, “What do you need?” A walk? A massage? Some good music? These simple actions keep me open and rejuvenated, even when I’ve only slept three hours.
Forgiveness is another powerful way of staying open to the flow of gratitude. I personally believe forgiveness is the road to freedom in the diamond lane. Forgiving others is necessary, but usually we really need to forgive ourselves. We can be our greatest enemy with the thoughts we hold about lives, our bodies, our talents, and our dreams. Scary! Begin practicing self-forgiveness when you catch yourself thinking the unspeakable. I forgive myself for thinking I’m not smart enough, thin enough, or young enough. You hear me now!
Another practical way to practice gratitude is to stay present. If it’s not happening now, it’s simply an illusion, a fantasy! Future fear projections like I’ll never meet Mr. Right or I’ll never have the life I dream of just kill our spirit, cut off our future, and steal our now. If you’re going to choose to project into the future . . . if you absolutely have to, see yourself successful, healthy, in love, and necessary. Your thoughts are infused with God’s power.
Finally, do what brings you joy! Everyday do something big or small that makes you feel alive. Sing your favorite song out loud – you know the one. That song that holds on to your heart and makes you raise your arms in praise and shake your head from side to side.
God has not promised me sunshine
That’s not the way it’s going to be
But a little rain (A little rain)
Mixed with God’s sunshine
A little pain (A little pain)
Makes me appreciate the good times
Feeling good is addictive and attractive . . . Addictive and attractive. I’ll take a whole lot of that!
For sure, we are changed by life’s experiences. The good news is this, we can quite possibly become more loving, more creative, freer, more prosperous, friendlier, and healthier as the result. We can become more of who we were created to be through those experiences God allows. It all hinges on our choice to be grateful in all things.
How do you feel about gratitude? Is it a daily practice you aspire to and believe you can achieve? What are your thoughts about gratitude? Does it prompt positive/abundant feelings or negative/scarce ones within you? For example, I’m grateful so I expect more to be grateful for or I better be grateful because “this” is all I have. Please contribute to your community at My Goodness Magazine by sharing your thoughts with us concerning gratitude.
The Honest to Goodness Truth:
2 Corinthians 9:11
You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
Peace and Blessings,
Monique Ruffin-James
Tranquility by Karen Anita Thompson
Karen is a voice of the oft-times forgotten, a trailblazing hot momma, a go-getter, and fire.
Keys placed in the lock
Quietly the door closes behind ………..safety
Purse strewn on the kitchen table
Heels kicked off at the bottom of the stairs
Ignoring the piercing ring of the phone
And the colorful stack of mail vying for attention………peace
Wine is poured into a delicate glass
Jazz plays softly in the background
Candlelight flickers illuminate the room
Gently sliding into the depths of fragrant, steaming, bathwater………comfort
Leaned back,
Eyes closed,
Prayer is whispered from smiling lips:
“Father, I praise you for being Lord of my life-
For each gift you have given me…..safety…… peace…..comfort.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally;
Forever I am grateful for the great and small things.”
© 2007
I, Nicole, had the pleasure of meeting Melissa Vaz, Missy, around 12 years ago. She is an incredible woman, devoted wife, sacrificing mother, and worship leader for the children’s church where she fellowships. Since I’ve known Missy, we’ve sung together, laughed together, worshiped together, prayed together, taken get-aways together, and as this interview reveals, mourned together. On the 5th of December nearly two years ago, Missy lost her nine-year-old brother to cancer. As a spectator to such a tragic event, I had never seen such love, courage, faith, and gratitude demonstrated under such distressful circumstances. At Adam’s funeral, I was blessed to be a part of the worship team that Missy assembled. It was, and remains, a day that I will never forget . . .
Tell me about Adam.
Adam was smart, spontaneous, stubborn and a jokester. He was sweet and generous, but not with time with my dad! He was very jealous for my Dad’s time.
What were your immediate thoughts when you learned he had cancer?
I didn’t have any thoughts. I felt very numb. I felt like I had to cry, but I couldn’t cry. For the first time in my life though, I felt the hands of God actually holding me . . . I had never experienced that before . . . where it felt like everything was literally swept from beneath me, like a rug had been pulled from under my feet.
What did your prayers consist of?
I remember praying about what to do next, what to do now. I didn’t immediately pray for healing, but when I did I knew that healing could mean that Adam was at home with the Lord, or here with us, or healing within our family and our relationships with each other. The prayer for myself was that my eyes would be open to see what God was healing; that I could recognize it.
Where did you, if you did at all, see God?
Wow. I did immediately. I had read the Bible and heard from the pulpit and from other Christians about how God is a comforter, but the minute I heard the doctor say that Adam had six months to live, I knew it for myself – in my heart and not just my head. And, I didn’t have to pray for it either. I just felt His presence. I felt His strength carrying me, and not my own.
Did you experience gratitude in the midst of your experience? When?
I did. I was grateful for the little things, for everything. I was grateful for my family and friends, and for the nurses and doctors. On the night that Adam died, I remember telling one of the nurses how grateful I was for the service she provided. She was crying and I told her I would continue praying for her, that she would have the strength to continue being able to do what she does.
I was grateful for the intimacy shared between my family and friends in prayer. I saw what God was doing in their lives through our shared brokenness, how He was drawing them closer to Him. What happens in that kind of brokenness is that you begin to understand how quickly things can change, that little things really are little things. When I’m tempted to get frustrated that my kids are being loud, I think about how glad my father would be just to hear Adam’s voice . . .
I was also grateful for God’s strength. I didn’t have to be strong, He was. And, I’m still grateful that the tenderness from Adam’s death never really goes away. It can’t, because we could forget all the lessons God taught us in the process if it does.
What lessons did Adam’s death teach you about life and faith?
That life is short and that I have to hold on to my plans loosely. And I’m still learning about faith through this experience. I’ll hear about how someone, a child maybe, who has been physically healed of a tumor or something, and doubt will creep up because I know that I prayed for Adam’s healing. But, where Adam is concerned, God said that it would look like Adam in heaven with Him and not here with us. I have to allow my heart to believe that God did what was best or else doubting that can turn to anger. I have to choose to trust that God did what was best.
What would you want someone who has experienced a loss like yours?
I would tell them that God is close to the brokenhearted, He promised that. I would tell them that, if you want to, you can feel His presence minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. He’s real.
If you could say something to Adam, what would you say?
Knowing Adam, he’d have a lot more to say to me. I’d rather to hear him talk! (Laughing)
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