What Have You Done for “You” Lately?

Posted on April 26, 2007
Filed Under Life, Love, Self Care |

I was raised by my grandmother, who was nearly 60 when I was 5. She had already raised six children of her own and one nephew. I would make the eighth child she’d love and nurture into adulthood. Looking back my grandma was a complex woman. She spoke often about scripture and God, and prayed regularly while teaching me to do the same. Yet her life, her daily living, was filled with poverty, depression, and disobedient children. I want to step lightly here; it’s not my intention to judge my sweet grandma. I only want to question or rather examine the example she taught me as a child and young woman. My grandma gave everything she had to others. She worked as a cook for children in a day care center. By the time she returned home in the evening she was too exhausted to cook for herself or her family. She spent years traveling back and forth to prison, visiting one son after the next, but she never traveled for her own pleasure. She spent her final years worrying about my education and wellbeing, overlooking her own desires and hobbies. She gave thousands of dollars to various ministries, dying without significant savings or investments for herself. In the 19 years I loved, lived with, and learned from my grandmother, I can’t recall one occasion were she put herself first . . . or even second for that matter. Looking back, she paid a high cost for overlooking her own wellbeing. I wonder if this was a generational thing, or maybe it was economic, more likely it may have been spiritual. Whatever the case, it has greatly affected how I live my life. I’m learning that being a woman often includes the responsibilities of mother, wife, career, friendships, service, community, and so much more, and can mean that it’s easy to forget “you”. So what have you done for “you” lately? So often we look to our spouses, children, and friends to acknowledge us for what we do daily. Honestly it’s our pleasure to give, nurture, love, create, lift up, inspire, teach, hold, etc. The truth is that it is our nature to do all these things. What if we included ourselves in our giving?

What would be the difference in our lives if we made our needs as important as our families? Now some of us are thinking “I give to myself, just look at my closet or my shoe and bag collection.” I’m not talking about material things necessarily. It is important that we give to ourselves with the intention to honor and care for our minds, bodies, and souls. A closet filled with shoes doesn’t meet our deepest needs, but a dance or art class may tap into our sense of freedom and creativity like no Coach bag can.

Doing something for “you” requires listening to and knowing yourself. And how to do this? Ask! Yes, ask yourself what do you need? What would make you feel good? What do you really enjoy? Then listen and be obedient and excited when the answers come. The difference in your life will be immediate. Just image how good you’ll feel making time for you. When you’re happy and revitalized, everyone around you will feel good.

My grandma taught me a lifetime of lessons – lessons I value as much as breath or life itself. Realistically it’s presumptuous, even arrogant for me to think I know what my grandma needed. If she were here now I bet she’d tell me a thing or two about what she did for me, her children, the church members, and the neighbor’s kids, and when no one was watching, she gave the rest to herself.

Peace and Blessings,

Monique-Ruffin James