What You Resist Persists

Posted on April 24, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Spirituality, Life, Parenting, Fear, Trusting God |

He can barely hold his little eyes open. He’s so sleep, so cranky, so fussy – he’s even too tired to sustain a cry. We’ve tried singing, rocking, swaddling, and pacifiers, but nothing is working. He insist on staying awake and resisting the obvious - sleep. One yelp after the next he grows more and more exhausted until . . . finally . . . he sleeps. Watching him, I’m reminded of the many times I’ve resisted what was best for me. So often I’ve tried, like my 11-week-old, to force my will thinking I know what’s best, I know more than God. The lessons I’ve learned have been many. For example, all the years I spent chasing men believing a relationship would be my source of happiness and comfort only to discover no one can bring me the eternal happiness that is only sourced in my relationship with Christ. Today I’m at a choice point.

Yesterday I shared with you about the stillness that has become apparent in my life. There was a time, not so long ago, when I was popping and clicking. I have always been a bit of a social butterfly, placing myself at the center of social events, circles, and all things people. I love people, talking, laughing, and any opportunity where I get the chance to discover something new and exciting about someone new and exciting. It’s so bad my husband often begs me to be quiet when we’re shopping for insurance, visiting the doctor, or standing in line at the grocery store. I’m the type that welcomes any excuse to spark up a conversation with a willing participant. Within five minutes or so I’ve discovered your likes, dreams, and purpose for living. I’d say it’s my gift. I’d choose a new person over a good book any day.

Well in this season of stillness there are not many new people, or old ones either for that matter. It seems something Divine is working to keep me stationary. Today I planned to visit a girlfriend, but she just called to say that she has a cold and it wouldn’t be good for Zion if we spent time together. Disappointed, I agreed and opened my computer to write. At least I have you and a one-way conversation is better than none at all.

It has become more and more apparent that I’m resisting this stillness and doing my best to be busy, clutter my mind, and entertain myself. Why? God wants me still for a reason, and I won’t know why until I surrender. When Jesus spent 40 days in the dessert I wonder if he . . . that’s silly, of course he was obedient. He was probably excited by the opportunity to spend time preparing and becoming strong for the work he would do. I can’t imagine that Jesus asked any of his friends if they would come and just chill out to keep him company under the hot dessert sun. It’s laughable! Ok… I get it. God wants my attention and I can continue to resist if I want to, but I can’t win. I know because I’ve tried. As I’m writing this I’m beginning to feel excitement, anticipation, and curiosity about what God has in store for me. I’ll no doubt be like my son who, when finally allowing the sleep to take him, discovered that it’s not so bad after all.

What are you resisting in your life? What is the spirit of God speaking to your heart that you’re saying, “Not yet lord, I have other plans” to in response? Take it from me, you can go willingly or fighting and screaming . . . but you will go. Just like I am right now.

Peace and Blessings,Monique Ruffin-James