Chop Wood, Carry Water

Posted on April 23, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Spirituality, Life, Love, Parenting, Gratitude, Fear, Trusting God |

Actually, for me it’s been more like feed baby, carry baby, change baby, burp baby, wash baby, rock baby, etc. There so many unanswered questions in my life at the moment. Will I go back to work in a month or so? Full-time or part-time? Childcare? Who, where, and how much? And then there’s the litigation over some property with my family. How will this end? When will it end? And will relationships change drastically?

All of these unknowns feel like they will have so much impact in my life and, with each unknown, I have an ideal outcome in my mind. For instance, I prefer not going back to work but instead I’d like to pay someone to come into our home a few hours a day to be with our son. That way I’d be able to get things done and have some time to myself. But this has cost considerations, and again . . . I just don’t know.

When faced with a list of “unknowns” or “how to’s” the only thing I trust myself to do is to be still and know God is in the mix. With each question asked and solution sought, I’m convinced God is the only answer. Only God knows the infinite possibilities available in each situation, because God’s wisdom is infinite. Being still doesn’t mean doing nothing. What it offers is exclusive experience with God – a time to watch God easily solve something seemingly impossible to the human mind. When we are still God is able to part the sea, raise the dead, and heal the leapers - or whatever the modern day equivalents are to those ancient miracles and moves of God. So I’ll put my money, my heart, my life on God.

Concerning the matter of litigation with my family, I’m praying for freedom, wholeness, and peace. And when anger arises, and it does, I remind myself of the legacy of unworthiness that is being uprooted and healed even now for me and the generations to follow. I also bring my attention back to what is eternal, remembering that material things will pass away but the freedom and the wholeness that is being birthed is priceless. My greatest desire and belief is that God’s will, regardless of how it looks, is guaranteed for everyone involved.

Whether I’ll return to work or not is uncertain, but what is certain is that today I’m Zion’s caregiver, and that it’s an honor to hold him, carry him, change him, feed him, watch him sleep, and everything else in between. My guess is that one day I may actually yearn for the moments I lay with him on my chest – one day when he’s more interested in sports, girls, clothing, or hopefully math.

Being still in God is presenting a marvelous gift, an opportunity to trust the benevolence of our beloved creator knowing only more goodness can come in all of the circumstances I’ve shared.

Philippians 4:6,7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Today my heart is grateful, and I’m expecting more of God’s goodness which translates into more of My Goodness.

Peace and Blessings,

Monique Ruffin-James