Writer’s Block

Posted on April 19, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Spirituality, Ministry, Responsibility, Fear, Writing |

No, I don’t have it right now, but . . .

As we continue forward with this magazine, I’ve discovered that writing the articles has not come as easily as I thought they would - most of the time. I thought I’d be able to crank them out like I do dinner, when the mood hits. Or sweet potato pie, when I’m so inclined. But that hasn’t been the case thus far. For example, the May 1st issue of My Goodness Magazine is on “Fulfillment.” Simple enough. I’m living a pretty fulfilled life, no problem. I’ll just get in my writing posture (usually in my bed with pajamas and footies on), fire up the laptop, and write. Or, at least, try to write. Instead, here lately, I mostly wait. And discover, more deeply, that doing the thing you believe God has called you to do requires more than just you, your timing, your agenda, your effort, and your inspiration.

A few years back I, along with some girlfriends of mine, started a ministry called “Girlfriends Ministries.” We’d meet once a month over food and fellowship in someone’s house, discuss that month’s teaching (which I wrote), and then I’d offer an, um, sermon (?) on the topic before handing out the study materials for the next time. It was great fun and the number of ladies who attended our little get-togethers grew steadily.

That was working pretty good for me until, on the eve of one of our meetings, I had no “talk” to give and sat nervously, blankly in front of my Bible wondering what on earth I was going to do. “Lord, I have to give these ladies something . . . what do you want me to say already?” Silence.

I, defeated, went to bed to have a fitful sleep only to be woken at 4:00 that morning by a flood of thoughts, ideas, illustrations, and scriptures to use in my presentation. Four o’clock, the morning OF the event. That, as the story goes, was the last time we met.

I was told at our little gathering that my message that night was one of the best I’d ever delivered. The ladies offered their encouragement and praise, but in the back of my mind I knew that was it for me. Never again would I be put in that position! Facing a deadline with nothing up my sleeve.

But I would be put in that position again, by me. Fast forward to My Goodness Magazine. Deadlines approach - every two weeks to be exact - and lately I got nothin’. And, admittedly, the familiarity of this place is freaking me out. But, I think I get what I’m supposed to learn here - this time.

John 15:5

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Here’s my deal - I’ve never been one to suffer from false humility or the kind of low self-esteem that says, “I could never do that!” In fact, I’m quite the opposite. While trying new things can definately freak me out, ultimately and eventually I come to a place where the activator/go-getter in me kicks in and I say, believe, and manifest the “I got this!” attitude. I got this.

Yeah, it can be a real problem when “I” get in the way, rely solely on myself, and forget that this life I live and the things I do in it is a partnership with my God who lives in me. And, sometimes as an expression of His mercy, He places me dangerously close to the cliff’s edge and withholds His divine parachute until I, finally, look to Him for His provision to keep me from careening to my doom.

I’ve been a slow learner . . . sadly. But, I’m getting it. I need to, intentionally, perpetually, recognize, embrace, and even foster my dependence upon God. And, no, that shouldn’t spark fear, but rather relief, right? After all, He’s dependable, faithful, and everlasting. Oh, and He’s absolutely crazy about me!

So, I’m embracing my present writer’s block with great expectancy. I can’t wait to see how close we, me and God, cut it before deadline this time . . .

Peace and Blessings,

Nicole Walters