Confessions of a Destination Addict

Posted on April 13, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Spirituality, Life, Love, Ministry, Provision |

I have a confession to make, but I’ll get to that in minute. Recently Oprah had a guest who has written a book titled Happiness Now. The author created a quiz that included questions or statements like - How satisfied are you with your life? – If I could live my life again, I’d change almost nothing – So far I’ve gotten all the important things I want in my life. Each statement would then be rated between 1 – 7 (lowest - highest). I went through the list and thought I’m pretty happy, I think . . . If I could do it over would I change almost nothing? Well, I’d like to change a couple of things starting with the deaths of both my parents. Other than that I’m pretty happy. Wait, I’d also like to change the amount of money I’ve saved . . . my college GPA . . . my apartment . . . my college major . . . Wow, I guess I’m not all that happy according to this test.

The coffin was sealed as he further explained his definition of a destination addict: people who put their happiness off for a particular thing, and when they get that thing they then create a new thing to desire never really achieving happiness. Let me explain. I’ve been a destination addict since I was probably three years old. It started with a desire for my mother’s love, attention, and care. The absence of her love created a hole in my soul. I believed her love would make happy, and it probably would have in many ways. But when she never fulfilled my dream I created other illusions to meet my needs. Marriage. For years I said I’d be happy when I got married. I cried, prayed, hoped, stalked, envisioned, and fantasized about being married. Then, when I was married and had nothing to chase I felt lost. Unconsciously I have created a new thing to fulfill my happiness; owning a home has become my new desire. This is my confession: I am a destination addict in the worse way. Happiness is just outside my reach and when I reach it . . . well it’s gone again.

In my head, I know God’s love is the path to true happiness. And I’ve prayed and done a great deal of work towards healing the little girl inside still waiting for her mother’s love. I know the right things to say to convince the experts I’m happy. But the truth is, I’ve always been waiting for something “better.” My prayer is for peace and freedom.

Phillipians 4:11-13:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

So here is my pledge, beginning today I’m going to want what I have – be where I am - give thanks for my life as it is.

Peace and Blessings,
Monique Ruffin-James