New Beginnings Beginning All The Time

Posted on April 11, 2007
Filed Under Spirituality, Life, Love, Parenting |

Whew! Yesterday was a difficult day . . . six consecutive days of being in the house with my newborn caught up with me. My mood was somber, my energy low, and my motivation minimal. I couldn’t think of anything to blog about so after several attempts, I shut the computer down. Nothing seemed to contribute inspiration. The discovery of Anna Nicole’s baby’s daddy was a relief, maybe it won’t get as much TV coverage. The fighting between Congress and the President was just more of the same. And Imus’s statement about the Rutger’s Women Basketball team was sad and sensational.

Finally, I turned the TV off and laid down next to Zion for a nap. “What if I give myself a break?” I thought. “You’re home all day with a baby and you’ve been in the house for six days, stop beating yourself up.” When we brought Zion home I planned to do three things for myself everyday: shower, go outside, and write. I didn’t consider cold weather, poor moods, or a cranky baby. I assumed everything would work the way I desired, silly me. The day passed without a shower, no sunshine or fresh air, and I didn’t manage to write a word. I spent most of the day sitting on the couch, holding Zion, and counting the hours until my husband returned from work.

Finding my rhythm in this new thing called motherhood has been wonderful . . . and yesterday was not so wonderful. Maybe I can just let it be, and begin again today. I didn’t do much for myself yesterday, but I did take care of Zion. The highlight of my day came as he lay on his stomach, nude. His little behind pushed in the air – so cute! As I As I dried him from a bath and applied lotion to his body, it occurred to me that this baby was formed by God in my womb. A miracle! He is a miracle and God is good. My eyes filled with water as the sun shone on Zion’s face, he closes his eyes to avoid the light. I adore him.

I never thought loving and nurturing my son would be such a gift to me. And tomorrow, I’m going to get out of the house no matter what. Thank God I can begin again with each new day.