Short-Timer’s Disease

Posted on March 22, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized, Spirituality, Life |

It’s begun . . . I’m counting down the days. Nicole! For shame!

It’s like this, the contract for my writing services is soon coming to an end. As of next Thursday, my temporary assignment will be over and I’ll enter into the wonderfully inconsistent world of freelancing once again. The problem is, however, that I feel like I already have one foot out of the door. I’ve noticed that I’m coming in just a tad bit later than, say, last week. And, you guessed it, I’m leaving just a tad bit earlier too.

As I showered this morning, I was suprised by the bartering taking place beneath the very hair that I was washing. Thoughts of calling in, arriving late, and even getting back in bed rattled within this brain of mine. Good grief. Thankfully, just as it seemed my conscious was about to give beneath the weight of every selfish impulse I’ve ever had, I heard the Spirit of the Lord whisper endurance, girl, endurance. I hopped out of the shower, got dressed, kissed my husband and dog good-bye, and headed, for at least one more day, into work. Endurance.

Not that my job, by any stretch of my over-active imagination, is any kind of hardship that I have had to learn to endure, but I was reminded of Paul’s race analogy and, frankly, found a little bit of encouragement there.

1 Corinthians 9:23, 24:

I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

The fact is, in an effort to confront my oft-times misguided fear of commitment, I sought this job out in an attempt to exorcise some personal demons, to gain some maturity, and to know a deeper level of personal discipline . . . it’s a long, sordid story - me and jobs, you just have to trust me on this one. But I’m ready to be a big girl now, and I said I’d see the contract through, so I’m going to see the contract through. What I didn’t expect is that the battle for faithfullness would wage so entirely toward the end of my promise rather than its beginning. But I guess Paul is right, anyone can start a race, but not everyone can finish it. It’s something about finishing that is admirable and noteworthy.

I’m sure we all know someone who has started a great book or begun plans for their own business, but who just never . . . seemed . . . to . . . be . . . able . . . to . . . finish . . .

I don’t want that for me, not anymore at least. I want to finish. I want to finish well. I want to finish like Martin Luther King - walking in the path of his destiny while blazing a trail at the same time. I want to finish like Mother Teresa - in a whisper heard around the world. I want to finish like Jesus Christ - joyfully enduring his bloodied cross to bear, only to end up seated comfy, cozy next to His Heavenly Father. I want to finish like I’m supposed to. And, barring any unforseen weirdness, I’m going to finish, this job at least. If only to prove to myself that I can.

Now, come tomorrow morning when the doubts rain down over me like my shower itself, I may have to read these very words that I’m writing today as a reminder - endurance, girl, endurance. And that’s okay . . . I’ll just do it in a hurry so as not to be late for work.

Peace and Blessings,

Nicole Walters

Nicole Color